Guilt sucks...

It's been officially one month since I started my new job and I'm still coping...

Took me one week just to get my head round the structure of the job and what it entails...

Then it was another week setting up meetings and getting to know various important people who i'll be working closely with...

I spent the third week trying to understand and memorise acronyms and technical jargons - PQQ, ITT, CEQLW, COMPRE, DDRE, CRE, T&C ... I know, you tell me...

Then last week I had a minor surgery at the hospital and am now still recovering from the effect of anaesthetic...

So overall, a full-on month... Which is also a month riddled with a sense of guilt... I haven't been doing much sewing and i know I promised a friend I would make a pretty nappy bag for her and until today I still haven't managed to deliver... You know who you are...please be patient and I promise I'll finish your lovely bag before your beautiful little girl turns 18!!

Summer has started but Steve and I still haven't managed to go for a swim in the sea... The weather though has been great, was perhaps not warm enough yet (I'm such a whooz) ...hopefully the weather will properly pick up soon and we can go for an after work swim like we did a few times last year... So refreshing and relaxing...

Okay, I'm going to bed...another intense day at the office tomorrow, trying to unravel more mysteries through reading contracts, emails and agreement forms! Exciting stuff!!! On the plus side, most of my new colleagues are helpful and nice, which makes thing a lot easier...

Good night.

Reminiscing

As I was reading through my previous blog posts I really had a good time reminiscing about past events. And I felt really good that I had kept a blog and that I had religiously documented significant events which took place in the past. Reading through my own blog posts, I was brought back in time and relived those moments. It felt just great and that made me more determined than ever to keep my blog updated. I know I've been neglecting my blog for a while and also my recent blog posts were mostly about sewing projects. I think I shall try and change that from now on.

One major event which is worth mentioning is that after two years and three months being in the department where I am working right now, I shall be moving on to another department next month. I just can't wait. I think after two years and two months, I am eager and ready for a new set of challenges. My mind is yearning for more knowledge, to learn new skills. In the past few months, many vacancies have come up within the University and I have applied for a few but in the current state of economy, competition for jobs is fierce and I was told that for one of the previous jobs that I had applied for, they have had over 130 applications!! So when this recent job vacancy came up and was only open to internal staff, I was hopeful. I took a lot of care and a long time preparing my application; speaking to the right people within the department to find out as much as I could about the job role; reading up extensively about the deparment, and after checking my applications for more than a hundred times, I clicked the 'Send' button and ever since then, my heart was in my  mouth. Luckily, a few days after submitting the application, I went on a week-long holiday to Rhodes Island and that sort of took my mind off it a bit, until my mobile rang while I was on holiday. Three days into my holiday, I received a telephone call, inviting me for an interview for the job the following week. And can you imagine the state of my mind for the entire time after that? I started preparing myself mentally for the interview. And the couple of days leading to the interview, I started practising on my own; checking out tips for interview online; and rehearsing answers to possible interview questions in my head over and over and over again. Although in the end, none of the questions that I had prepared for came up during the interview, I think the preparations helped calm my nerves and I was able to feel relaxed and confident before the interview. The entire interview process was daunting. I was given 5 different scenarios and had to explain how I would deal with each scenario and after that 5 people in the panel each asked me different sets of questions. I gave examples from my experience as best as I could but when I came out, I was angry with myself because in some cases I had given the worst kind of examples that you could think of. And then the awful waiting began. We were told that we would be informed the following week. And it was only the middle of the week when the interview took place. How was I going to survive till the following week? All the speculating, the not knowing, the anticipation?! Well, I did survive, barely. I was in a constant turmoil all weekend, playing the interview in my head over and over and over again.

I think I did well?

No, I think it was a flop.

No, I think I did okay, they were impressed. 

No, I did not really answer some questions correctly.

And then Monday came, and eventually at around lunch time, I received the good news. I have been offered a job with the Centre. And the relief just washed over me. I was happy, I was relieved and I was nervous. Nervous about telling my current manager. And because she was working out of the office for a few days, that presented me with the greatest means of informing her -- through the great email. Not the best way to tell her, but it had to be done, and it had to be done quick so that I don't delay giving in my notice and hence delaying the start date of my new role.

So now, three more weeks before I move to my new department and I am now writing 'handover handy tips' and it made it realise how far I have come at this current role. When I first started, I knew nothing. What a learning process it has been, these past two years. From organising a Conference, to editing the Centre's newsletter, to facilitating a workshop on my own to having to step in as the Finance administrator... and many other things. And I have no doubt that when I step into my new role, more learning of new skills and knowledge will take place and I am really excited by that prospect. It is cliche but true. Learning is a lifelong process and I couldn't agree more. As humans, we thrive on learning new skills, getting to know new people, visiting new places, gaining new experiences, trying new things, and buying new gadgets (hehe). As myself, I thrive on enhancing my existing skills, gaining more experience, and learning new sewing techniques and making different lovely projects.

It is Friday today, the best day of the week and this weekend, we are off to Frimley to have an early celebration of Steve's birthday. So roll on 4.30pm I think so that my proper weekend can begin. Have a great weekend you lovely people and to end my post, let me show you a pair of shoes I bought for my recent holiday and I love them.

Don't mind the socks. I know it's meant to be slip-ons but I still like to wear socks so that I don't end up smelling the shoes with my sweat.

A pleasant surprise and my first project.

So two things happened last week. I was co-organising a conference and also I bought myself a sewing machine.

I had to miss the conference dinner on Thursday because I was working in the evening. The next day boss handed me a gift box, saying that it was a token of appreciation from the assocation that I was helping to organise the Conference for.

It was definitely a very pleasant surprise because I hadn't expected it. As curious as I was, I didn't want to rip open the packaging to see what it was because after all, we were still at the Conference. But I sneaked a peek as soon as I got chance and absolutely loved the gift.

You can't really see it clearly but it's a thin silver chain with an apple. It's really lovely and cute. The Conference was held on the 7th Floor of the Executive Business Centre and needless to say, it was equipped with state-of-the-art equipment and I was particularly taken by the 'techno booths' especially designed for group discussions.

Of course back in those student days, we weren't privileged enough to have such hi-tech equipment that would have made group discussions on presentations so much easier. You sit in groups and view your slides together and one of you can make any necessary changes to the slides and you can plug in your own laptop too. I notice these techno booths in the library too. So canggih ah?

So after fiddling with my new sewing machine for a couple of days I decided to make an ironing mat, which would be my first project. I started off trying to make a quilt-like mat but halfway through realised that a quilt is not going to be ideal for ironing on as you can imagine that whatever you iron will have grooves and lines on them. So I did patch work on one side, and plain cotton fabric as the backing, which would be the side that I'll use for ironing. These pictures show you the sequence of the project.

Arranging the squares for patching.

Stitching them together stage by stage.

Done.

Framed.

Preparing to stitch the front, middle and back together.

And adding a binding on the edges. This was the state as of last night before I went to bed. Having a bit of problem doing the binding coz it's a pain in the backside. I hope to be able to finish it tonight as I'll be working nights for the next three days and won't be able to touch my sewing machine again till Friday night.

Oh and totally unrelated, I bought a box of 'Curiously strong mint' from Marks and Spencer just so that I can use the tin for my pins.

I was going round all evening trying to force my colleagues to finish the mints so that I can start using the tin box. Crazy. I had one of the boys stuff his mouth with 7 mints at one time. Bless him.

Oh here's my sewing space. Quite a small area but I'm utilising every inch of available space and still it was a bit tight.

Okay. After I finish this first project, I'll be looking for something else to make. So till then, adios.

Will the questions ever stop?!

When you first embark on a relationship with someone, everyone is happy for you and they wish you well.

After two years, the questions start coming in ....'When are you getting married?'....'Do you plan to get married?'...'When do you plan to have babies?' ...'Are you getting married soon?'....

So after being with my other half for more than four years, you can imagine the questions come from left, right and centre at all times.

Frankly I am quite fed up with these questions. I know, I know, I know from the bottom of my heart that half of these people who ask these questions are genuinely concerned for my well-being (the other half being the classic Ke-Po-Chi)...

Quite honestly, I do not have answers to all these questions and it's rather tiring having to explain yourself over and over again... and believe you me, the questioning session doesn't stop after the first one.... it is a series of questions with a full-on interrogation...at the end of it, I am often left with the urge to shout to the person's face...BUGGER OFF AND MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS !!

Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised that people are asking these questions... afterall I, like many other girls, have pictured myself meeting the right person, getting married, and having children. I happen to be stuck at the first stage for a long time without proceeding any further and people are beginning to wonder why.

I once heard a friend say something rather casual but it had such a great impact on me.

'When you are too busy worrying about the future, you often neglect to enjoy and cherish the present.'

It is very, very simple and yet very, very true.

With that in mind, I am now a much, much happier person.

Some people may say that I am trying to convince myself more than anything...

But the truth is, I honestly don't mind.

Now, all I need to do is to convince my mother to stop worrying (wish me luck).

On a completely separate issue, I have a question for you to ponder upon...

What would you do, when you are at the check-out at the supermarket, it is your turn to pay and your mobile phone starts to ring? Do you...

a. ignore the call because you know that you can check the missed call later and ring the person back
b. take the call but end it quickly telling the other person that you are at the check out and that it is rude to talk on the phone
c. take the call, expect the cashier to pack your shopping for you, and when she's finished packing your shopping for you, you throw your money down, take the change and then leave the till without even a smile, a glance, or a 'thank you'

Sometimes, it's good to watch our mobile phone etiquettes because it is too easy for people to be rude these days without even realising it. Who knows, you might just make someone's day a less miserable one :)

Sometimes it's a bitch

Normally when there has been a bad episode at work (the one which I have to smile a lot), I usually get over it quite quickly and shrug the whole thing off in a matter of minutes.

For the past two days however, I have been deeply disturbed by a bad experience at work on Friday night. It was not really, really bad, if you think about it, but I just can't seem to get it out of my mind.

As usual, it was around 7pm, I was the only serving assistant at the till and I had four customers queueing at the till. When I was still serving a young customer, the next customer in line  (an old chap) practically shoved him aside and crossed that 'invisible line' where you're not meant to cross until you are being served. So, naturally, being a good customer assistant (kepo and brave at the same time), I tried to say something in the nicest possible way I can to help the customer understand what he's done.  It turned out to be the one thing that I would regret doing later on. Here goes the conversation...

Me : Excuse me Sir (see how polite I am?), this gentleman is still being served, if you don't mind standing back just a little?

Old man : (With eyes glaring like they're gonna fall out of their sockets)YOU DON'T MIND ME DOING WHAT I LIKE TO DO AND YOU CARRY ON WITH WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING. I'M STANDING HERE DOING NO HARM.

Me : (Shocked, a bit red-faced but composed, giving change to the previous customer)Ahem, your change, 12 pounds 75 pence. Thank you and have a good evening.

Old man : WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO. WELL ARE YOU GOING TO SAY SOMETHING OR HAVE YOU NOT GOT A TONGUE?!

Me : (Still scanning the items bought by the old man, *toott* *toott* *toott*)That's 3 pounds 76 pence, PLEASE.

Old man : (giving me money and still grumbling, I didn't fully hear what he was saying coz by then I 

had lost interest and was too humiliated to comprehend)

After I had given him his change, he was still standing at the end of the till packing his stuff and glaring at me at the same time so I tried to be as composed as I am and started serving the next customer, just to let him have a taste of his own medicine (I usually like to wait until the previous customer has left the till before I start serving the next customer because I believe it's rude otherwise).

Like I said, it was not a really really bad experience as in I wasn't slapped or being called names but I just cannot get it out of my mind. It kept playing at the back of my mind, the way he looked, his awful facial expression and also the phrase 'have you not got a tongue'. I think partly because I regretted not doing what I should have done. What I should have done was not to sit there and take it in like that. What I should have done was to ring the bell for assistance and refuse to serve the old man for being extremely rude, unnecessarily. Just because we are working at a supermarket, wanting to earn a decent living, it does not mean that we deserve to be treated with disrespect. That's what's bugging me, I think. What I should have done.

I'm hoping that after blogging about it, I will feel a lot better. Next week when I get into work again on Tuesday, I know that I'll be a little wary and phobic in case he should come through my till again. I want to be able to get over this episode and move on.

On why I was being completely A.N.A.L.

I cannot believe that it is now 12 hours before the Conference... I stayed at the office till 7pm today and told myself, okay, this is the 120th time I'm going through that 'To do' list.... and I'm pretty sure I've got everything covered !!! Conference bag... CHECK..... Chair instructions... CHECK.... copy all presentation slides onto memory stick... CHECK.... abstract list... CHECK... delegate sign up sheet.... CHECK... name badges....CHECK... and the list goes on...

One precious lesson I learnt today is to learn to let go, trust other people and know how to delegate tasks out. For the past two days I've been using every spare time that I have to stuff leaflets, instructions, schedules, maps, pens, coffee sachets and other freebies into the Conference bag that we'll be giving out to the delegates. Now people who do not know me well, I am very very ANAL when it comes to things like that... all papers have to be in the correct order, put into the folder neatly with the folder carefully placed into the bag so as not to crumple the folder... yada yada yada... so trying to do all 64 has taken its toll on me and try as hard as I may, I was lagging behind by 3pm today and I had other things to do like printing out administration documents, putting up posters, arranging tables at the venue, emailing people.... earlier today my boss and my colleagues have kindly offered their hand but I turned them down politely, saying.. Oh I've got everything under control... (in actual fact, I don't trust other people to do this job as well as I do it *DUH*, Anal, I know... completely). And then comes the time to load everything up into the trolley ready for tomorrow, I was still stuffing the bags and I was still saying ... Oh I've got everything under control.....

By 5pm, I was still stuffing the bags and my boss finally decided that I should let my other colleague handle that task (and I begrudgingly had to turn away from that corner and carry on with other more pressing matters to tend to)... still I couldn't help myself but kept glancing over my shoulder to make sure that she was doing it right...

Then when all of that was done, it was loading time and still I said... Oh don't worry, I'll do it later.. and of course my boss won't have it... and she and another colleague started loading up the trolley and got that done in 5 minutes flat...

After I've got everything done and before I left the office at 7pm, I looked at all the contents neatly piled up in the trolley and thought to myself... thank god that's done.. otherwise I would have ended up spending the night at the office !!! Upon checking the bags, so yeahh some folders were dented a bit, some folders were sticking out of their bags a bit... so what?! At least they're done.

It is hard sometimes to let go and learn to delegate.. but it is also important to remember the word 'teamwork'. My colleague teased me and called me a 'one-man-band'. I think doing a good job is important, but letting others help you to do a good job is equally important.

I hope the Conference in the next two days will not only turn out as planned but also will be a roaring success and that by the end of it, everybody will go home feeling satisfied and more informed.

NOTE: 'Anal' is shortened from the expression 'anal retentive' which means uptight, uncompromising, compulsive and picky about doing things a certain way...

On organising a conference..

My current project at my uni job is being a chief conference organiser. Having not attended a conference before, let alone organised one, this is a daunting, challenging and exciting task. In a way, my naivety has served me quite well as starting from the time I took up this post till now, I had no idea of the magnitude in which this task can grow. For months, I was in this bubble where I managed every little task that popped up in a cool and calm manner, and living under the impression that everything was under control.

So yesterday the boss suggested I meet with someone in the Uni who's recently organised a conference so that I can get an idea or two. An hour later, I can tell you I came back with more than an idea or two! I came back ashen-faced, with four full pages of scribbled notes, templates for this instruction, templates for that form, sample for this and that and what not you have it. It was during the meeting that I fully appreciated and understood that it was going to be a mammoth's task.

"You have to make sure you know when your keynote speakers are arriving so that you can have a back up plan in case they get here late.".... "Okay...." says me.

"You have to decide if you want real flowers or artificial ones on the main table."..."Okay..."

"You cannot be at the Registration desk as you'll be running around so you must assign two other people to do that"...."Okay..."

"Everybody who comes will have lots of questions and requests and you have to be readily availabe at all times."..."Okay..."

"Check that the menu for lunch for the two days is set and teas and coffees are arranged for the right time and there is a room for the delegates' luggage."...."Okay..."

"Make sure you have the right form for registration and evaluation..."

"Make sure all presentation slides are uploaded onto the pc in each room and test them to make sure that they work..."

"You have to think about how the delegates would get to the Hotel for the dinner and give them instructions for that..."

"The forms for delegates to choose their sessions will have to displayed with the abstracts..."

"You need to arrange two white boards for this and set that stand for that and...."

So when I came back into the office, I was in 'reality' land. To say that I wasn't aware of the different administrative tasks that a conference involve would be entirely untrue, but I guess all these minute details right from 'Registration' through to the Conference dinner and finally the closing on the next day, every single step needs very careful planning and execution. One detail missing and the thing can be messed up BIG time. Before this, I was only concentrating on the 'before conference' jobs as in marketing the conference, collecting papers for the conference, liaising with presentors and answering their queries, engaging sponsors, arranging the timetable for the two days... This time, visualising the REAL event has made me realise that careful planning is really the key to a successful conference. NOTHING can be missed !!

I am glad to have this opportunity to do all this, something which is completely different from my previous job which is teaching. It's exciting when you learn something new every day and you cross that invisible barrier in your mind and prove to yourself that YOU CAN DO IT!!

After the conference, I was told, that I have the task of editing the Conference Proceedings to look forward to !! That should be fun !!

The conference is not till September and by early September, I reckon everything will be in full swing by then and I shall try very hard not to be in a panic mode. I will keep you posted with how things go, chaps.

Freedom

In my line of work, I come across stories about 'Poverty', 'Child Slavery', 'Social Injustice' and 'Human Trafficking', among many others.

I came across this company which produces Freeset bags and got to know the story behind each bag and would like to share this story with you.

The Freeset Story

Each Freeset Bag tells a story of one woman's journey to freedom. She used to stand with 6,000 other prostitutes in a small but well known area of North Calcutta. She didn't choose her profession; it chose her. Poverty does that. It robs people of their dignity and children of their innocence.

She still lives in the same area, but instead of selling her body she makes Freeset Bags. Now she has choices, the choice to work decent hours for decent pay, to re-establish her dignity in her community and to learn to read and write. Now her daughter won't have to stand in the street selling her body like her mother used to. Freedom has been passed on to the next generation.

It's not that bad after all.

My work can be nice sometimes.

There are people who call me by my first name because they think I've got an interesting and nice name (I've not heard that one before, certainly not in Malaysia, in primary and secondary school when I used to get bullied to death because of my name).

There are people who you can take the mickey of and have a laugh with because you see them everyday at the till and you get to know them.

There are very elderly people who are always very nice and polite and who say 'thank you' to you like a million times just because you pack their shopping for them.

There are people who are probably very lonely and are always desperate for a quick chat at the till.

There are people who think I look 23 rather than 33 (bless, they're probably being polite)... I always say it comes with being Asian, haha (Bea and Fely would agree).

There are children who smile at you and say 'hello' to you in the cutest and sweetest voice.

So there you go, I tell myself, it's not that bad after all.

Don't be rude.

My work can be shitty sometimes.

Sadly, some people seem to think that because you end up working in a supermarket as a check-out girl you do not deserve any basic respect or kindness.

There are people who come through the till without even looking at you or saying 'thank you' after you have packed their shopping for them because they are busy talking on the phone.

There are people who are too busy chatting amongst themselves and forget that they are being served by a human and not a machine.

There are people who complain to you because they cannot find a specific item that they want to buy and seem to think that you own the store.

There are people who become impatient just because you did not hear them correctly the first time and they had to repeat themselves loudly, with hand gestures, and assume you have trouble understanding their language.

There are people who give you a funny look just because they have to wait slightly longer in a queue due to technical errors with the till.

So, next time you are at a supermarket, be nice, because sometimes it does take a lot of effort to be friendly and happy at the till.

My constant war with the bus!

Now that uni term has come to an end, the usual bus A that I take to go to M&S is no longer operating. So I have to take bus B and get off at Lansdowne, run to the bus stop on the opposite side of the road, and catch M1. Now timing is very very crucial here. For five times in a roll (yes I am keeping count) my B bus arrives at Lansdowne as the M1 pulls away from the bus stop on the other side of the road!! How annoyingly on schedule is that?! I have so far not succeeded in catching the M1 and had to catch 1c which is more expensive because I can't use my discount card.



One day, one day I hope the M1 will be delayed and then I'll manage to catch it somehow!

Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange

Fun talk

In my line of work, it is inevitable that I meet lots and lots of new people every day and sometimes, you get to have some really fun and interesting conversations with some friendly people. But sometimes, it can go the other way...

Today I had an interestingly peculiar one.

After giving the customer a carrier bag, I said to him ,"That bag's not very strong, I hope you haven't got far to walk."

He said, "Oh, that's very nice of you. No, not far at all. Would you like to escort me?"

Trying to recover, I replied, perhaps a bit too quickly, "Er, no thanks."

He said, "Heh, a bit too old for you huh?"

I said, "He.. he.. he..(a very uncomfortable laugh that indicates I don't know anything else better to say)", as he hastily grabbed his bag and half ran away from my counter...

The lady behind him looking amused, said, "Emm, I see you're being chatted up? Must be really flattering."

"Errr.....he..he.. he.. (again the same uncomfortable laugh)," was all I could manage.

When the lady had left the counter, I thought perhaps I really need to work on being 'tactful' at the right time and not blurt out "No thanks!" faster than lightning... I should have said "Oh as tempting as the offer is, I'm afraid I'm going to turn it down."

What do you think?

Nahhhhh.

Remember Carmona?

Many many moons ago, I posted an entry about a dying bonsai that I had 'rescued' from work with a picture showing the bonsai looking sad and and in 'ill-health'.

Today I am posting more pictures showing Carmona looking great, on my desk at work and with a little friend next to her.



So I've got two bonsai's at work and one time my colleague thought it was cute and labelled them 'I am little tree' and 'I am BIG tree', as you can see on the sticky note in front of each pot. I love looking at my bonsai's when I'm at work. When my eyes get tired from staring too long at the computer screen, I find it relaxing and extremly calming just looking at them and appreciating their uniqueness and beauty. I must admit I am no bonsai enthusiast who cuts and prunes and shapes. I go as far as giving them water whenever they need them and also leaving my used Chinese tea leaves on the soil, apparently to make them 'grow' better (myth i think more than fact). Other than that, they are pretty free to 'grow' however they like, haha. As long as they don't 'die' on me.

I am thinking of adding more collections to my 'natural' surroundings at work and will keep you posted when I do. Mean time, try a bonsai, you'll never know, you might just enjoy it as much as I do.